As summertime approaches - so do thoughts of travel, vacation, and family get togethers. For many people in reunion these travel plans bring happy thoughts and frustrating struggles as everyone tries to figure out "the details".
Within normal families it is not uncommon to find visitors sacked out on the couch, the floor, or taking over the kids' bedrooms. But, within a reunited family the lines of comfort about such things are often blurred.....
I frequently hear pleadings for guidelines about how to treat guests in your home - or how you should expect to be treated in someone's home - when you are family, but not in the sense of "always have been". So, here are a few comments that may be helpful for you as you plan your summertime journeys.
Be clear about how long the visit will be. This sounds so obvious... but often people will say something like, "I want to come and visit for a weekend". In their mind they mean Saturday and Sunday... but the other person might think that means arriving Friday and leaving Monday. Not being clear about the length of the visit can lead to disappointment somewhere.
Discuss lodging arrangements. This is one area where family traditions can come into play in subtle and not-so-subtle ways! Some people think that it is respectful to give "adults" a real bed and they have no problem handing the kids sleeping bags and pillows and allowing them to enjoy a pajama party on the floor of the living room. For other people the thought of "kicking their children out of their own room" is simply not acceptable! Neither concept is more "correct"... it is just a matter of what is considered acceptable in THAT home.
And, if you are the visitor and NOT comfortable being handed a blanket and pointed at the couch it is your responsibility to find a nearby hotel! Being personally responsible for your accommodations is one way to make sure that you are left feeling resentful - or uncomfortable!
What activities will you enjoy? For some people vacation time with family means "hanging out"... talking outside in the back yard, going swimming at home, watching movies together. For other families vacations are productive and everyone chips in to paint a room, clean out the basement, or re-design the landscaping. And, for many people vacations mean sightseeing and special excursions (theme parks, museums etc). Expressing what kinds of things you might like to do before you arrive will help everyone find something they can look forward to - and feel comfortable with.
Personal Habits can cause a lot of discomfort if you are not open about them before hand. Some people really need to smoke - and others can't stand the smell. Some people can't stand to see meat cooked or eaten - and other people can't imagine a meal without it! Some people like to get up with the sun and are chatty from the first moment, while others enjoy sleeping in and then like to wake up slowly and quietly. Being aware of personal habits before they are living in your house is a great way to reduce stress on everyone and prevent anyone from being annoyed - or worse!
All in all it boils down to CLEAR COMMUNICATION..... and speaking up early, instead of waiting until the last moment. So, be respectful while sharing your past vacation experiences - maybe tell some stories about your other vacations and what made them great. This is a wonderful, very non confrontational way to open the door to an honest conversation that could really make your vacation super!
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