This post is in relation to the post immediately below, but I think it requires its own entry.
When reunions start out often there are wonderful hopes, dreams and visions. People want to have the "family they never did". They want everyone to get along and it seems completely reasonable that compromise in some ways will happen easily - since everyone understands the situation is unique and may require a little extra effort.
Sometimes however this doesn't happen. When REALITY comes crashing down on the dream of "happily ever after" it makes the unique situation of a newly formed family sound an awful lot like
a NORMAL family! How many people do you know who have family members who "won't cooperate" or who are happy to be part of the family ONLY when things are "going their way"? I don't know about you - but I think in MOST families there is some element of this... and we accept it as a part of life.
In some normal families the parents distance themselves from a child because they don't feel their lifestyle is "correct". In other families the children walk away because they can't get over the scars of a less than perfect childhood. In many families siblings drift apart and except for weddings, funerals and the occasional holiday celebration - have no direct communication.
What drives people apart? Oh, the list is long...
- religion (how could you marry outside our belief structure?),
- politics (you are too conservative, don't you have any feelings? OR gee, just what we need, a bleeding heart liberal),
- lifestyle (you're GAY? or you're starting a family via a sperm donor?)...
or it can be the more subtle issues
- financial responsibility (I can't stand to be around someone who is so irresponsible)
- recreational habits (you drink too much... smoking is gross... don't you know that drugs are illegal?)
- parenting styles (I can't stand to watch you ruin your children like that)
and then again - sometimes people just don't like each other. Just because you are related by blood or legal bonds doesn't mean you naturally like one another. The old saying "You can't choose your family" can be taken many ways.
Sometimes reunions simply don't turn into the dream come true. This could be for any number of reasons as we see in the list above...and in almost all cases both parties will think it is the other's fault.
Is it anyone's fault? I could argue that it is simply human nature at work. We like people who agree with us, who share common beliefs, values, dreams, goals and judgments. We don't like people who believe differently than we do. If they believe differently in enough areas the scale tips and we become uncomfortable. We don't tend to stay in uncomfortable situations unless the payoff is high. In many families it is simply easier to walk away from the bridge without either burning it - or repairing it.
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