Audrey poses the question of whether obsessive thoughts of her birthson are normal - even after an extended reunion? I would have to say, "yes" - for some birthmothers. Obviously you are an involved birthmother eager for contact with her son. So, your thoughts go that way frequently along with, no doubt, your wonderings about his life past and present.
If you were a birthmother who didn't want contact, who had never dealt with her feelings about the past or who was feeling frustrated with the complexities of reunion I doubt those obsessive thoughts would be present. And, in that situation I would have to say that the lack of obsessive thoughts was also normal.
Audrey, you asked if this was a habit? I think that to some extent our thinking does become habitual. And, if these thoughts are more pleasant than not it would of course encourage this habit, right? I know that many of us are structured in our day to day lives. We have schedules throughout the day with chores, work, meals, commuting etc. It is normal for people to "schedule in" time for various mental tasks - including thinking about the people in their lives.
For example I call my birthmother in the mornings when I am in the barn caring for my horses. This is our habit. I frequently talk to my friend Linda on the drive to work and my friend Cathy on the drive home. This is how I allocate my time to them... and it works for me and them.
For you, thinking about your birthson is probably a habit in that sense. I don't think this is a negative thing at all, unless it is interfering with your day to day life.
You mentioned that you sometimes feel guilty that you think about him more than your raised children. I think that to compare the two situations is not being fair to yourself. Even though your reunion has gone on for some time (7 years), it is obviously not something you take for granted. You did not mention in your statement anything about how much contact you have with him, but perhaps this is your mind's way of simply letting you know that it would like more. So, rather than call him or write to him - you visit him in your mind's eye.
I can't see anything wrong with your thinking of him frequently unless it is interfering with your life. I would ask you though.... do you have trouble concentrating on other tasks? And, is there a part of you that believes if you stop thinking of him so much he will drift away? If the answer to either of these questions is yes... you might want to examine some of your underlying beliefs. Please feel free to email me if you would like to discuss this offline. :)
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