Adoption Reunion Support

Oh, How We Judge...

This post is in relation to the post immediately below, but I think it requires its own entry.

When reunions start out often there are wonderful hopes, dreams and visions.  People want to have the "family they never did".  They want everyone to get along and it seems completely reasonable that compromise in some ways will happen easily - since everyone understands the situation is unique and may require a little extra effort.

Sometimes however this doesn't happen.  When REALITY comes crashing down on the dream of "happily ever after" it makes the unique situation of a newly formed family sound an awful lot like

Tired of the victim story

Julie submitted a question about her birth son (they have been in reunion for 6 years).  They have limited contact and from what Julie posted her son seems to fall back on his adoption as the "excuse" for his life not being all that it could be.  He is also inconsistent in his words and actions regarding his relationship with Julie - saying that he loves her, but barely having any contact and blaming her for his life's circumstances. Julie wants to know what she can do to help him.

Julie - first off I want to let you know that I really admire your tenacity in staying in this reunion because it must be very hard and frequently very painful. 

At the risk of being redundant to other publications I will offer this to start: People often resist taking responsibility for their lives!  It appears that your son has bought into the convenient

He dropped me...

Peggy posted a question about her son who seemed eager for contact early in their reunion and then did an about face shortly after their first meeting. Peggy's son is 29 and his adoptive family was not supportive of the reunion.  Her question is "is his change of heart normal and will he come back?"

Peggy, first let me say that I feel for you deeply.  Opening yourself up to a possible future relationship only to have it dramatically disappear seemingly overnight is one of the hardest aspects of some reunions.

Unfortunately pullback IS more normal than not, although it doesn't always happen quite as suddenly as it seems to have with your son.